I Can Only Imagine...

It was just like a scene out of the movie. It was raining outside, and all the lights were off. You could barely see the hundreds of cadets lined up on the apron. Everyone was scilent and still. Taps was played, then amazing grace, then the 21 gun salute...then we sang the Alma Matter. Everything ran perfactly, except for the fact that I was so choked up that I couldn't sing very well.... I was reminded of this song after attending a vigil in honor of one of my peers, who was killed last wednessday. It is a tradition to do this whenever someone in the Corps dies and it is very powerful. Tony is looking at the face of Jesus right now...I can only imagine...I didn't know him, I don't even know if he is saved and I was brought to tears. I guess because this ceremony reminded me of one I attended when I was a sophmore in high school. One of my good friends was killed in a training accident, he was a marine. I didn't cry for him at all until the 21 gun salute. It was like all 21 rounds were being fired into my chest, it was almost too much to bear. Someone was feeling like that for Tony, maybe his mom, his sister, his father, or his girl friend...I don't know but I was feeling everyone of those rounds echo in my bones. One of the most painful feelings I had ever experienced. And the sad this is I and many others will have to experience it many more times.

Hummm......

I have so much that i want to say and i don't even know where to start. I guess i'll start with Thanksgiving. My Thanksgiving was very relaxing. I went to North Carolina to visit my mom's family. I just didn't have enough time to go all the way back to Cali. I saw my grandfather and he actually rememberd who I was (he's very old). I basically slept all of Saturday, i really needed that, although I don't think the rest lasted very long because it's only Tuesday and i'm already exhausted from the week. This place just drains every piece of energy you have. Let's see what else, oh my big sister sent me some more pictures of her and the baby. That was so exciting. When I saw that I had gotten a letter from her, that thought jsut made my whole week alot better (that was last week by the way, and it sucked alot). I don't know if anyone else notices this theme but everything sucks to me right now. Maybe when the semester is over (only two more weeks, PRAISE GOD!!!) i'll be alittle more optimistic about life. There's really nothing interesting going on with me. Just the same old stuff. I'm running a marathon in January, that'll be fun, 26.2. I don't really know why I have volunteered to run for over four hours straight (that's about how long it will take me because i run real slow). Hopefully I will raise enough money so that I won't go broke in the process... oh wait I already am broke!!! Nevermind. Hahaha...well, i'm off to class now. Wish me luck. I still haven't been doing very well with actually paying attention. And maybe someday i'll learn how to use this thing and figure out how to put pics up and stuff. But untill then you'll just have to ues your imagination. Have a good one.

My First Post

Well this is my first post. I have been keeping a paper journal, so maybe i'll have a little section dedicated to what i wrote in there but i don't have time right now to copy it all on line so i'll just start anew. A lot has been going on with me. I have been feeling very overwhelmed and stressed out lately. I feel like i'm loosing my mind. My mother tells me that it's just because i'm stressed out. It feels like more that that. I literally cannot focus for more than two minutes. I'ts by the grace of God that I am doing well in all of my classes (and by well I mean 2.8, 2.9 ish PRAISE THE LORD). I don't even pay attention in half of my classes, but I somehow understand the material and pass all of the tests. God has been so good to me. I really think that my problem is just some left overs from my past. I don't understand it though. I also think that it might be dissappointment. I was very dissillusioned about my school. I came here becasue i thought that it would be different from most other colleges. I thought that the people would be mature. That there would be people with the same expectations as me. But, I was wrong. That was a big blow. There was a big shpeil maybe i'll talk about it in a later post. Well I hope everything is going well with whoever decides to read this. Feel free to leave comments or notes or whatever. Take it easy ( and I really do mean take it easy. don't burn yourself out).